


The Patron Saint of Ashes

by TheBarghestsNotebook



Series: I am the Drug and You are my Addict [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blood, Dom/sub, F/M, Sub!Bucky, Violence, dom!reader, sub!Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 13:47:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11601897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBarghestsNotebook/pseuds/TheBarghestsNotebook
Summary: Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to, and sometimes they don't end the way anyone else wants them to.





	1. Ablaze and Asunder

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your patience.

I have to say, I wasn’t expecting to see him when I opened up my front door. Just as the sun was setting, disappearing below the landscape and turning the sky to a watercolor painting, I had meant to head out and run some errands. Grab groceries and other essentials. Particularly more shampoo. I had been so caught up in my own head that I hadn’t felt him. Maybe it’s because I just wasn’t paying attention, maybe because I wasn’t expecting to be near him when we weren’t working together, maybe because my influence had been stamped out and crippled so much, it was barely a shrivel of life inside of him. Either way, I opened my apartment door and ended up face to face with the Winter Solider.

The Winter Soldier in full tactical gear.

He stared at me from behind his goggles, cold and emotionless. My eyes narrowed. Something was off. Aside from the obvious circumstances, something was off about him. Something was wrong about him. I knew the recalibration they did on him would affect what hold I had on him, but this was different. It was almost dead. Almost gone.

But that was impossible. Nothing could have removed it, nothing could have ripped so much out of him. What had they done to him?

We continued to stare at each other for what seemed like much longer than feasibly possible, when it finally clicked. I said with realization, “They know.”

And that’s what it took to break the spell. With one solid movement, he lifted his foot, planted it into my chest, and kicked me back. My spine slammed into a table, my ability reacting just fast enough to keep me from any permanent damage. I manage to regain my footing and make the door slam shut behind the man as he strolled in. It was that confident gate of a cold killer. The gate I had found so sexy and powerful. Never had I thought I’d be on the other end of it.

I moved with him, this time following his flow to keep from getting hit. It was a dance I had never wished to do with him. My apartment walls were cracked and littered with holes. Furniture was upended. I managed to tear off his mask and goggles during the fight, throwing them away and giving a good hits in return. But this man was trained to outlast everyone else. I had to force use to a standstill, grappling him and forcing our eyes to meet.

What hurt the most was that he knew who I was.

“Why?” I asked, searching for an answer.

“I have to do this,” he responded. “You’re too much of a liability.”

“And you’re just going to believe their lie?”

He threw me off of him and onto the group.

I swept his legs out from under him and climbed on top of him. “You know who I am. You know who I am to you. Don’t do this, boy. Don’t defy me like this.”

I tried to force my ability into him, to wash it over him, to evade every crevice of his body and mind. To break once and for all this hold they had on him.

But it’s one thing to break another’s hold, it’s completely another when you’re faced with such a force of willpower.

He was confused. He was scared. Angry.

Me breaking him wasn’t the answer.

He wasn’t ready.

“I have to do this,” he said again, but this time he wasn’t convinced. He didn’t want to.

“Then fucking try.”

 

_It only takes a sound. A single sound to know what the body is going through. A grunt for pain. A whimper for fear. A sigh for sadness. A bark for happiness._

_And a long drawn out gritted scream for agony._

_Watching them do whatever it was they were doing to him was gut wrenching. He cried out through the mouth guard as his body tensed. I could feel my influence in him breaking apart and shattering. Like a window, first a crack, and then another, then the cobweb forms, and then it all comes crashing down. He was forgetting me. They were scrambling his memories, making him forget who he was, what he had done. That’s why he didn’t fully remember me. They had taken our experiences from him. I would always know who he was, but every time we would work together, I would be just another face. Another name he didn’t need to remember. I would be there and then I would be gone._

 

The fight was brutal. It had to be. Anything less and they would assume insubordination. There were no guns. Only fists and knives. Being punched by a metal hand was just as bad as one would think it was. I ducked and weaved, relying on my speed over his power. I could whittle him down if I managed to keep my effort down and rely on warping the world around me to help.

But what would that mean for him? What would it mean if I won? I knew I wouldn’t be able to kill. No, I could kill him. But I didn’t want to. I had put too much effort into him. I wasn’t going to let that go to waste. I hated breaking my property. But what could I do if I beat him down and knocked him out? I couldn’t exactly take him anywhere. He would be hunted. I would be hunted. It would make getting any sort of income difficult. We’d never be able to rest. We’d never be actually free.

As he threw me against a bookshelf, I made up my mind. My body fell to the floor as weight tumbled onto me. He dragged me out from underneath and chucked me across the floor. I tumbled, steadying my breathing. The metal arm came down and punched a hole in the floor next to my head. We looked each other in the eyes. His swam with anger and fury, and guilt and pain. Confusion. Suffering. Betrayal.

I didn’t blink. I only looked into his eyes. I wanted him to know that I didn’t hate him for this. I wanted him to know that, no matter what he did, he’d still be mine.

 

_The thing about broken glass, however, is that some parts of it still cling to the window pane. And if you’re not careful, you’ll cut yourself when you clean it up._

_I rolled my hips, feeling him inside me. The attic was hot and cluttered, our breaths and bodies disturbing the dust all around us. We had to be quick, we had to be quiet. Our scheduled dead drop was not even half an hour away. But he had finally done it. The dear soldier boy had finally given in. I had played with him during our time waiting in that dreadful hostel. I had caressed him ever so slightly, ghosted around the edges of his mind, tickled that broken parts of his body, pushed him and pushed him and pushed him. Then, when he had finally whimpered into my ear on that hot night, his warm breath begging me to touch him, take him, use him, I did._

_He had knelt before me, his eyes begging, his mouth pleading, his body shaking and shivering under my gaze. I had taken his head in my hand and cooed, cooed soft and loving words, cooed words that would make him feel safe, make him feel loved. Make him drop his guard and walls and let nothing stand in my way. And from then, from there I could do whatever I wanted with him. Nothing to hold him back, nothing to hinder me._

_I had to clamp my hand over his mouth as I slid onto his cock. Poor soldier boy had almost screamed in pleasure. He had never felt something as good as me. As warm. As oh so very right._

_“Your body is mine, boy,” I growled, my power seeping into him, filling all the nooks and crannies. He gasped and moaned, wanting nothing more than to fill his lungs with my scent, to fill his being with me. Eye lids fluttering, gaze only on me, focus only on me. My hand gripped his hair tighter, painting it with his own drool that had come from my hand when I had removed it from his mouth. His hands strained as they stayed above his head, kept there only my his sure willpower. They trembled as he strained to keep them there, shook as they wanted to feel my skin. He wanted to grasp me, to hold me, to touch, to feel, to know my naked flesh. His naked body was already covered in nips and bite marks, blood trickled down from areas that could easily be hidden by wounds we would gain later in the mission. His chest was covered in red lines, the skin blooming after I had raked my nails down it. He panted beneath me, mewling and whimpering. The sight of such a powerful and dangerous man reduced to this, to nothing but a drooling fuckdoll begging me to ride him to exhaustion, was intoxicating._

_“Your mind is mine, boy,” I hissed, leaning down into a kiss. Tongue and lips and teeth. Moaning into each others’ breaths. He broke the kiss more often than not, unable to contain himself as I rode him, as I gave him the pleasure he had been so lost without. As I reminded him of who and what he really was._

_“You are mine, boy. Say it.”_

_He could barely get the words out._

_I leaned back, sitting high backed above him. And slapped him._

_“Say it.”_

_“I am yours.”_

_“Again.”_

_“I am yours, ma’am.”_

_“Again.”_

_“I am yours, ma’am. I belong to you, ma’am. You own me, you control me. I am nothing without you. I exist for you. I am yours and only yours. I’m-I’m your boy. I’m your soldier. I’m yours, ma’am.”_

_“Good boy.”_

_The ecstasy, the passion, the final thrust to send us both over the edge._

_And it was done._

_As his body lay beneath me, quivering and shivering, it was done. Nothing anyone could do could take his memories of me. Nothing anyone could do could remove my influence from him. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would take him away from me._

 

_He was mine._

 

“Go ahead, boy,” I said to him.

He shook his head, his lips quivering. “I-I can’t.”

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

He shook his head again, whole body trembling and shaking at the thought of killing me.

I hardened my gaze. He had to do this. He had to. “Be a good soldier and do as you’ve been told.”

He opened his mouth to reply, stalled, and then finally choked out the words. “Yes, ma’am.”

He raised him metal hand and brought it down.


	2. Blackened Soot

I waited. Still, silent, frozen in time and space. I waited as the seconds became minutes and the minutes became hours. I waited with baited breath and closed eyes. My head pounded, my felt chill as my blood continued to drip out. Then the world around me was no longer eerily silent, eerily void of human activity. There was movement once more. The door opened and someone…someones entered. They moved to me, I could feel their gaze. They were making sure I was dead.

I was dead. He had killed me. He had completed his mission. They had won. I had lost. That was it. It was over.

**I**

**Am**

**Dead**

“She’s dead.”

Those words broke the silence and created activity. The people began to move. I smelt gasoline as they drenched my apartment. They worked quickly, covering the entire place. Covering me. They all left without a word. As the door began to swing shut, I heard the unmistakable sound of a match being struck. The door closed and my apartment went up in flames.

I still didn’t dare move. I felt the fire lick my body, engulfing me as it engulfed my home. Everything was on fire. Smoke clouded around me, sending my world into a mix of bright heat and suffocating darkness. I could hear the other tenants screaming, running for their lives as the fire alarms blared. At this rate, the entire complex would follow suit. It would all burn to the ground. They would destroy everything to make sure my body was destroyed with it. Go big or go home, I guess.

But I wasn’t going to die. I wasn’t just going to lie there and let them burn my home to ash.

So I just lied there and let them burn my home to ash.

The floor finally gave way and my limp body fell. Rubble clattered on top of me, cracking the floor and sending me through again. And again. And again. And again. And again until I was finally at ground zero. The building had collapsed, burying me beneath it. Each piece, each crumpling structure, each fallen burning clump of rumble burying me deeper and deeper than just the six foot under. My world was nothing but destruction. Nothing but darkness.

And then there was nothing. There was nothing for the longest time.

Everything had grown cool. The sun had risen and set long ago and I was alone with nothing but my thoughts. My body, stiff, begged me to move, but I didn’t. I couldn’t allow myself to move until I knew.

Not until I knew

It was only when the sun had risen again did I finally let myself move. My joints cracked and my muscles strained. The debris moved away from me, compacting together to allow me to sit up. I coughed, blood and soot. Air had never felt like such a luxury before. There was no doubt people working above me, trying to clear away the fallen building, trying to find survivors.

They wouldn’t find me amongst the dead or close to dead. They wouldn’t find me at all.

It was time for me to disappear.


End file.
